Actually

I hate the word "actually."

I don't use hate lightly, but I can honestly say that out of any word in any language from any culture on any planet, I hate the word actually the most.

It reminds me of sandy 6 year olds and pretentious 10 year olds. The type that think they know more than you do even though they've only been on earth for, at most, 120 months. I could annihilate their entire existence and no one would miss them but their mothers.

I am not homicidal, but sometimes I want to throw those kids over a telephone wire like a pair of sneakers in the ghetto.

And the way the word sounds in its own little maniacal essence is just disgusting. "Ak-chu-al-ee." That's how those little children say it. With an overexaggerated emphasis on the "Ak" sound.

Fucking ew.

Also, in this mental image they have on chocolate-smudged glasses and are wiping the mucus from their dripping nostils with stubby little fingers and looking up at you with hair that sticks up in places that should never stick up. Every child that overuses this word in my mind had a cowlick. A nasty one in an inconvenient place.

And I hate it when adults use it. It is never used in a responsible sense. People only use it when they are correcting other people (or occasionally themselves, but I really don't care to differentiate).

I have a professor who uses it to a degree only known to mutants like himself. The thing is, he is a great professor and he knows his shit, but when he uses a sentence like, "And the protein is actually made out of actual little poly-actual-peptides, actually" I want to beat him with the sharp end of a hammer.

He's a very handsome man. He's very intelligent and he has much to offer the world, but no self respecting woman would ever breed with him because he will always be correcting her. Always be saying "Ak-chu-al-ee".